By Nate Dodgson
Being an introvert, I don’t often feel seen and heard, at least not to the same degree as “normies”. I’ve come to learn the importance, however, of doing just so. To be seen and heard means inclusion and dignity in one’s life. I spent 16 years completely isolated in my alcoholism and life became miserable- and I’m still trying to recuperate to this day. I’ve come a long way in opening up and expressing myself which is a daily intention. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. Drinking away my adult life up until a year ago probably didn’t help.
Social anxiety is also a form of disability or hindrance in my growth. It’s as if my mind stops and the thoughts go blank when I’m trying to socialize, especially with people I don’t know yet. This is only nervousness. And just like anything else, it improves with work and practice. The thing that forced me to finally open up and express myself was treatment and group settings. We would have classes with five, ten or maybe more participants which required just that: participation. My social anxiety is driven by fear. Fear of making a mistake and being judged. I have to be brave and face my fears head on if I am to have any chance of prevailing and growing. Life is about being seen and heard, to have visibility and voice.
I like to go for jogs on the greenbelt. It takes my mind off negativity and my self-loathing, a sort of temporary escape, not destructive and dangerous if you compare it to drinking alcohol. That’s when I lose control. I just can’t seem to get enough. And then the aftermath feels like hell. Jogging keeps me focused and mindful of my current situation. I can think, reflect, and be at peace with myself and nature. It’s important to stay active in order to defeat depression and anxiety.
I’m working to rebuild confidence and faith. Most times, I feel weak and powerless. I’m hoping and praying with time that I can be more secure in myself and love myself again. There’s a lot of pain and frustration, and it’s difficult to keep battling day after day. I’m working on filling this void and emptiness inside me. I need to be seen and heard just like everyone else.
I’m amazed at how things are so vast and endless in this world and universe. It makes me feel humbled by the sheer size of time. The earth, sky, stars, and planets. All towering above and around us. And we exist.
WOTS is a great way to be seen and heard. A community voice and vision. WOTS recounts peoples’ experiences and stories and readers share in both the strength and the hope. A place of encouragement and honest testimony. We are blessed to have such an outlet and challenge the prejudice and stigma towards homelessness. It means a lot to have this media and publication platform by which we can build each other up and achieve transparency within the community. We are stronger together and WOTS makes this possible.