By Sharla Phelps, Ancora Hospice Bereavement Specialist
This time of year, as you look around, you often see families gathering, laughter, and time spent together. If we all look just a bit deeper, we can see that the holidays can be challenging, painful, or lonely. What happens to our holidays when we have had a loss or death? What happens when grief seems to take over our holiday time?
Grief is a normal reaction to any type of loss: loss of housing, loss of a job, loss of lifestyle, loss of friendships, loss of love, or the loss of a person due to death. During the holidays, this grief can be magnified and difficult to cope with.
Below are some ideas to help you deal with the changes you may be experiencing around the holiday season:
Give yourself options
If you are unsure what to do about the holidays, develop a “plan A” and “plan B”. If the “plan A” activity or event seems too challenging, move on to “plan B,” even if it’s spending time reflecting and resting. Recognize that during the holiday season, you don’t have to do things the same way, at the same time, in the same place. If one plan doesn’t feel right, permit yourself to do something different.
Do what feels right for you
If you need to “cancel” the holiday, that is okay. If you can’t do certain things during the holiday, that is okay too. If you want to do things the same way and keep some traditions, that is okay as well. You get to decide what you can or cannot handle
Notice your triggers
What happens around you can trigger your grief. Sometimes it is the smells of the season, the sounds that you hear (music, people laughing), or the sights of the holiday season. Don’t be surprised if you can’t finish an activity for some reason. Just recognize that, and decide to stop when you feel uncomfortable.
Reach out for support
It’s a good idea to talk to a trusted friend or counselor and get the support you need during these difficult times. Sometimes a friend can help you discover what is right for you.
Practice gratitude
Gratitude doesn’t always ease grief, but the practice of noticing good, small things, whether it’s a warm meal or a friendly smile. Although it may feel forced or awkward at times, this simple act will positively impact your mindset and outlook on life. Some days, gratitude feels impossible. That’s okay too.
Your grief journey is about YOU. One thing we know about grief is that it is going to look different tomorrow…and next week…and next month…and next year.
Coping Tools
When you are grieving a loss in your life, it can be helpful to develop a list of ways to cope with your loss. This list is specific to you and unique to your situation. If you are grieving the death of a person who was significant in your life, consider these ideas:
• Share stories and memories of that person
• Visit one of their favorite places
• Remember a funny story about them
• Enjoy the sights and sounds of the holiday while you remember them
• Repeat a favorite holiday tradition that they would have enjoyed
• Consider starting a new tradition
Whatever you decide to do this holiday season, remember that you can access support in your community. Honor your grief, spend time with the feelings, and recognize how important loss can be.