By: Julie Loomis
Word on the Street Issue 47, September 2024
. . .
Yes I am still here and still homeless. This was a rough month for me. My meds were lost and most were replaced. My antidepressant, sleep meds and heart meds were too expensive to replace so I slowly went downhill.
I slipped getting out of a vehicle and made my back worse and that didn’t help with my depression. When I couldn’t stop thinking about suicide I decided to go back to a Mental Hospital. I didn’t go to the bigger ones and live to regret it.
I was just in to regulate my meds and hope to get help with my depression. The first few days were promising, Dr. Y was helpful and understood what I needed. The staff had a few caring people but the nurses not so much. I was still in lots of pain with my back. I needed to have a bowel movement and asked for stool softeners but they just had milk of magnesia so it made me sick.
The nurses did not bring your meds to you like my last hospital, you had to go get them or go without. Few checked on you, except to make sure where you were. I became dehydrated and my back pain got worse. Then Dr. C said go to groups or be discharged. He was not helpful to my mental or physical wellbeing. He thought that threat to a seriously depressed person was going to work? I wondered if he thought since I was homeless that I had no place to go. This place made me long for my bunk at the homeless shelter. Sad to say my bed here is softer than there’s. So I said discharge me. He left and seemed angry.
Knowing I was to be discharged the next day made me feel relieved even while I thought about hanging myself or leaving and jumping off a bridge. I never said I wasn’t thinking about suicide, they didn’t seem to care. I also wasn’t eating and that also was for the most part ignored. There were some staff that did try to help, but mainly the nurses were rude.
The next day Dr. C came by to ask me if I went to groups and I reminded him about discharging me. He never asked about my meds or my mental state. He actually asked if any of my meds were changed. I said Dr. Y made some changes. He promptly marched out and canceled all the changes. The only other person I talked to who cared was the social worker discharging me. I told her the truth and why I was leaving.
The groups were the same as what I went to a year ago and wouldn’t have helped without medical care as well. I felt I would be better off with the shelter where people cared about me. I left worse than when I went in. The final issue was the three meds I was missing and just refilled the same day I went in, were not with my other meds. I had to call and request they send them to me and I had to go another week.
Thankfully I prayed and kept thinking about my family and friends. I didn’t want to hurt them. I made it through and am still here. I am lucky to have people in my life I care about and that care about me. Otherwise I would be an other suicide. It is important to get help, maybe check the reviews and go to a place that will help. If you have loved ones suffering from depression check in and make sure they are okay. I am glad I can write about it and survive to write another day.