A Letter to My Addiction

Word on the Street Issue 22, June 2022

By Viola C.

Dear Addiction,

When I first met you, I immediately fell in love without even realizing it. I thought we were just acquaintances. That you were just a visitor in my life. I had no idea what was happening. I thought I could hang out with you from time to time and still walk away. I thought you brought me happiness. Joy. Love. I felt welcomed without knowing you were building such a strong anchor in me. Did I enjoy my time with you? Yes. But every time I was away from you, there was chaos. I didn’t know the connection existed between the two. I couldn’t see that the chaos came from you because of the blinders you gave me. My life quickly spiraled out of control. I didn’t see it coming. All of a sudden it was too late. The bond was built. The boundaries destroyed. I couldn’t walk away. I felt alone. Unloved. Hopeless. Broken with each piece of me chained to you. I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t trust anyone because I couldn’t trust myself. You were all I had. So I decided you were all that I needed. I lived this way for so long that I didn’t believe I deserved anything else. Then one day it happened. I found the key to those chains. I found love for myself. That love turned into desire. That desire turned into trust. That trust turned into strength. I deserved love. Happiness. Hope. I deserved to be me again. So I took that key and one by one, I unchained those pieces of myself and put them back together. I’m not done yet. I’m still putting myself back together. But the bond I’m building with myself is stronger than the bond I had with you. Because I finally love me. I accept me. Trust me. I don’t need you anymore. I don’t want you anymore. I will not allow you to control me ever again. So this is my final goodbye.