By Gerri Graves
I’ll be the first to admit, I have never been a fan of self help, counselors or psychiatrists. Blame it on the terrible experience after my daughter’s death. Or maybe it’s about how we love to dissect someone’s personality, and assign them some toxic moniker. Or perhaps it’s the whole ‘fluffy bunny’ approach to self love, while it feels like the world is imploding.
But I think it’s the whole Freud of it all. Another human being telling another human being where they’re flawed. Don’t come for me. I know my opinion is somewhat pigeonholed.
I only feel the need to mention this….well, because there’s always someone out there that will surprise you. Life loves its curve balls.
She learned empathy from an early age, via her large family. Complete with siblings 3 and nurturing parents.
Her mother stayed home with the children, while her father toiled at back breaking work at a coal mine in Wyoming. Surrounded by grandparents as well, that doted on the children and were involved in their upbringing.
Her mother set a meal every night, often feeding her children’s friends. The family had an open door policy. All were welcome and I personally envisioned a warm atmosphere layered with the smells of a hot meal, barking dogs and children’s laughter.
When she spoke of her childhood, it was laced with beautiful memories of toads let loose in the family car, Grandpa’s false teeth stuck in her hoodie, rough housing with her siblings, camping trips and parents that always made them feel wanted, appreciated and seen.
I think my favorite stories of her were the stories of her early sense of empathy relayed by her mother.
She talked of not letting her daughter watch the news, because she took everything to heart.
Spying a homeless family living in their car in the parking lot of a K-mart, she insisted that her mother find out what they needed. She was only 8, but fearless on her approach for information from the family. Her mother did purchase the items and they were delivered by her wee hands, to the people who thanked her.
She also volunteered at an elderly retirement home, where she listened to their stories, played games and gave of her time.
These stories give you a small glimpse of what would become more than a job, a calling.
She nannied for a few years. Nurturing and loving on children that were not hers, but were her heart nonetheless. I imagine this enticed her into wanting children of her own.
She married for 15 years, but it ended in a rather tumultuous divorce. Luckily, she bore two gorgeous children who are bright, talented, sensitive and loving, not unlike their mother.
They landed in Boise, during their marriage and it was here where she decided to head back to school. She took classes on mental health, substance dependency and prevention. Her interest fell on this subject of study, by a family member’s battle with addiction. She wanted to know more. She wanted to help break the vicious cycle her family member was going through. Her reasoning was selfless. That, directly from my notes of observation.
I might also add another point of inspiration. She spoke of a neighbor battling with AIDS. This neighbor photographed and wrote about the people afflicted with this terrible disease to create a better understanding for those that might be fearful. (Ignorance breeds fear, after all) Published a book about it.
She spent hours with this woman learning about AIDS and the struggles that came with the diagnosis.
It was through these experiences that she decided her life’s trajectory. She wanted to help others. The more she learned, the more she discovered underlying causes and the people around them that loved them.
She realized it had a lot to do with mental health. Not everyone comes from the canonized version of the nuclear family. Some lives were broken. Hopeless. Filled with grief and suicide ideation.
Sometimes, an addiction is just a means of self destruction or a deluded sense of coping with deeply rooted trauma.
After college, she began working for Interfaith Sanctuary in 2018 and set about providing a curriculum called “Project Wellbeing”.
Her method is not completely text book. It’s a little unorthodox. She’s incorporated meditation, breathing exercises, art, writing, gardening and focusing on the individual’s needs.
She works with a group, yes…..but she knows recovery doesn’t happen in a ‘one size fits all’ scenario. Healing begins when you address the individual’s trauma. One person at a time, while still heading a group.
She started the shelter paper and the art program. She has guest speakers that can relate with the guests’ experiences. She’s organized field trips to parks, museums, art events and Idaho’s raptor sanctuary. She’s also worked with artists from local high schools that have come in to work together with the homeless community to create something wonderful together.
She thinks out of the box…..and the guests are better for it.
She doesn’t just talk about mental health and addiction, she shows them an avenue to move forward on. What life looks like when you’re not using it. What it could be.
To me, that’s the best part about everything she’s done. She’s not only focusing on the bad bits, she’s showing them life outside four walls and addiction. She’s providing coping skills and reasons to elevate the individual above the worst thing they’ve ever done.
It’s not about shaming and repentance, it’s about second chances and learning to forgive yourself. To rise above a past that some seemed destined to live in for the rest of their lives. Hope.
Nicki is a beautiful person, both inside and out. She’s motivated to walk in these dark places with people that have lost their way. When friends, family…….the community, have deemed these human beings as forever lost, she’s at the finishing line telling societies to throw aways, that they’re worth that second chance.
She’s the last stop of an upended life.
She deserves accolades, praise and gratitude from this city, but she’s a quiet, unassuming woman that just happens to wear her heart on her sleeve. She doesn’t ask for praise. She just wakes up every morning, kisses her kids as they head off to school and prepares herself to save another life.
Nicki Vogel, is one of Boise’s unsung heroes…..and we, as a community, are made better because people like her exist.